Ugly Christmas sweater parties are now a tradition. I can’t find any polyester reindeer sweaters in my local Goodwill because the college kids have picked it pretty clean.
Ugly sweater parties are good fun for hipsters and suburbanites alike. You can either purchase a sufficiently ugly Christmas sweater off the rack, or be creative and uglify one from scratch.
While I admire all the creativity, there’s a pureness to the sweater that was always horrible.
To illustrate, here are my two favorites from previous years.
An example of creative fashion is the ‘”Very Barry Christmas” sweater featuring President Obama,
and one that was just always bad is this little beauty.
Technically, it’s a kitty-cat vest over a turtleneck, but I’m not a stickler.
I was reading an English newspaper on-line and saw a breathy article about new, high-fashion Christmas sweaters. They pay homage to classic, tacky Christmas sweaters or (ugly holiday jumpers if you are English) being reinvented as fabulous fashion.
Frankly, I think they are only plain, unironically ugly, though vastly more expensive that those you find at the thrift store.
This puppy and kitty in a wreath are sequined on a lovely Merino wool sweater. The site it’s sold on suggests you pair it with a Michael Kors watch and Mark Jacobs boots.
The sweater alone sells for (wait for it…) almost five-hundred dollars.
If I bought this sweater, I’d have to pair it with beans and rice, because that’s all I could afford afterward.
Here is a silk dress that only needs a pair of $50 tight and $300 boots, and perhaps a Helmut Lang clutch.
Imagine strolling into the neighborhood Christmas party in that little number.
The dress wouldn’t be the only ass in the room.
And it can be yours for $475.
The only up-scale, ironic holiday sweater I liked was this one with the zombie snowman:
but at almost $800, there’s no way I could afford it, let alone wear it with $300 skinny jeans and $600 fur boots.
So, if you host an Ugly Christmas sweater party this year and you can neither craft a blinky-nose Rudolph out of LED lights and brown felt, nor find a vintage 1980’s polyester Santa sweater at your local thrift store, then remember that there are top-dollar fashion options out there for you.
I only hope for the premium price they don’t smell like underarms, like their thrift store alternatives.
To sing us out, enjoy this video featuring a stable of the most horrible/awesome holiday creations.