Gwyneth Paltrow Is Right!

Gwyneth Paltrow 2012Gwyneth Paltrow, public blonde person, has come under fire for complaining about how hard it is to be a rich and famous movie star. Again.

This time, instead of moaning about how much easier it would be to work in a cubicle in Peoria for minimum wage and no benefits, she compares being made fun of on the Internet to being a soldier at war.

After thinking about it, maybe she’s right! Those slackers in the army don’t know how good they have it. Here are all the ways being in the military is exactly like being a movie star.

Your outfits are all picked out by someone else.

Army Combat Uniform

A personal fitness trainer.

US Navy 080602-N-2564M-023 Amphibious assault ship USS Wasp (LHD 1) Command Master Chief James Williams leads the

Haute cuisine, prepared for your special dietary needs.

Marine Sergeant testing a First-Strike Ration

Free shoes!
Army-boots

You get to board all flights first. Some you get to leave first.

A 26th Marine Expeditionary Unit Maritime Raid Force Marine exits a CH-53E Super Stallion helicopter during a parachute operation over Qatar on April 25, 2013 130425-M-SO289-011

Travel to exotic locations.
USMC-110311-M-DF801-041

Full gear in the desert? A free sauna! Great for detoxifying and losing those last few vanity pounds. Hot yoga is so 2012.

USMC-06095

You have to wear a lot of makeup for special events.
Defense.gov News Photo 980119-A-6522J-503

People follow you around and shoot at you. Cameras, guns—the same!

Soldiers on Exercise in Oman in 2001 MOD 45140762

You get to consciously uncouple. Helicopter aerial refueling

Your own entourage.
U.S. Army paratroopers assigned to the 3rd Platoon, 1st Squadron, 40th Cavalry Regiment patrol in Paktia province, Afghanistan, June 5, 2012 120605-A-FH435-007

Special effects. No wait, that’s real.
Flickr - The U.S. Army - High explosives

Bling
Purple Heart case

And if you do something really special, you get a lot of attention.
A U.S. Army honor guard carries the casket of Spc. Robert Tauteris Jr 120115-A-MG787-044

I agree with Gwyneth Paltrow that nobody should be bullied on the Internet.

If Ms. Paltrow means there should be an increased in civility in public discourse, including the commentary on the lives of famous people, then I agree with that too.

I get it. She can’t even take her kids to the nearest 7-11 for a Big Gulp and a bag of Cheetos without having pictures taken, sold, put on a million websites, and picked apart by meanies. I really would hate that too.

But all of that is not the same as being in war, and darn sure not the same as what soldiers, sailors, airmen, and Marines go through.

Not. Even. Close.

Thank you for the overwhelming support of this piece! I really appreciate it. If you liked it, you may also like this one about PTWD, Post Traumatic Walmart Disorder, and the other time a few years ago I made fun of Gwyneth Paltrow

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