How to Do Laundry

Here is my time-tested method of doing laundry.

    1. Wait until the kids are out of clean underpants.
    2. Wait one more day.
    3. When husband is out of underpants, have kids bring down all dirty laundry.
    4. Remind children to zip up pants, check pockets and turn socks right side out.
    5. Yell at children as I zip pants, check pockets and turn socks right side out.
    6. Keep any money left in pockets as Mommy Tax.
    7. Sort clothes into piles: jeans, other pants, dark knits, sheets, socks/underpants/towels, lights, whites, whites that need to be bleached, and things that need to be sanitized because the chihuahua peed on them.
    8. Take a break and watch Real Housewives.
    9. Ponder the unfairness of why I have to do laundry and the Real Housewives don’t. I have a taste for luxury. Why doesn’t luxury have a taste for me? What does that even mean?
    10. Start load of socks/underpants/towels.
    11. Contemplate the wisdom of studying Latin for four years, as is no help for removing stains from underpants.
    12. Get on Facebook.
    13. Put finished load in dryer.
    14. Take random pictures of cat. Capture her many moods.
  1. Start new load of towels.
  2. Call best friend and chat.
  3. Fold and stack dry clothes neatly.
  4. Call children to put away carefully folded clothes.
  5. Find clothes wadded up in random drawers.
  6. Forget about towels in washer for two days until they smell funny.
  7. Rewash towels.
  8. Continue until all laundry done.
  9. Rejoice in accomplishment for ten seconds before laundry re-dirtied.
  10. Begin again, weeping softly.

This is the first chapter in my housekeeping e-book. It’s sure to burn up the charts on Amazon.com. I hope to make enough to hire a maid. A really ugly maid.

Any laundry tips for me?

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