Remodeling and Gwyneth Paltrow

Some things in life have to be learned the hard way, like not to buy skinny jeans at Lane Bryant.

Others are too easy, like making fun of Walmart. Hello, get in that barrel, Mr. Duck.

Home remodeling is one of those hard-way things.

On a one-to-ten scale of pain, with one being dental work and ten being Gwyneth Paltrow joining your MOPS group,

remodeling is a seven.

When I turned to my husband and said “I think we should remodel the half bath ourselves,” it was the worst idea since jeggings.

“Can’t you just paint it and, you know, clean it?” he asked.

Too easy, buddy. I want to rip everything out, re-tile the floor and replace the Hollywood vanity lights, circa 1987. They are so out, they are in again, but I still want them gone.

Also, I’d like to replace the giant unframed mirror that reflects any bathroom activity through the unclosable crack in the blinds.
I’ve had to do my business in the dark for years. I am a grown woman and I want to go with the lights on.


Our other problem is the cat box. It’s a very small room and the only good place in the house for the litter box. There is no free floor space except for right in front of the toilet.

So even if the lights are on, I get to stare into the Friskies recycling center. (Note to Tidy Cat cat litter: you lie! This product does not manage odor from multiple cats. I think you might even make it worse. You are the Cascade powder of cat litters.)

I have Pottery Barn tastes and a Home Depot budget. We toured the Depot last night and all the sink vanities on display weren’t as good quality as what the builder originally installed in our house.
Maybe we will just replace the counter and the sink instead of the whole vanity. There are just so many decisions to make before any of the manual labor starts.


All I know for sure is that my proposed color scheme of chocolate brown made my kids giggle until tears leaked out. “Maa-ahm! You can’t paint a bathroom brown or yellow!” I think they are still giggling.

Have you tried your hand at remodeling? Are you still married? Tips for a noob?

I’d ask Gwyneth Paltrow, but she’s busy teaching her children Cyrillic.

She probably is.
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