Velveeta Is Not Food

But I eat it anyway.

I don’t like Velveeta. It’s not food; it’s not cheese. It’s “a cheese-food product”.

It’s cheeze.

I think it is most likely a by-product of some real food that the manufacture doesn’t want to waste and can’t sell for animal feed in the former Soviet Union.

Instead it is packaged it in a flashy yellow box and sold for five dollars a pound. That’s more than what I pay for real cheese.

But Velveeta is a comfort food for my sweet husband. His mom, rest her soul, made Velveeta taste good, so there are a lot of happy memories for him in that yellow box of foil-wrapped cheeze loaf.

Once a year, usually in the dark, new months when I will eat anything, I buy a box and make what our family calls The Dip.

The Dip is the most basic Velveeta queso recipe: one can of Rotel (a brand of chopped tomatoes and hot peppers) and a one-pound block of Velveeta.

The package recipe from the fine folks at Velveeta calls for cubing the cheeze and mixing it in a bowl in the microwave with the undrained can of Rotel.

Hot it up in the microwave, mix and eat.

It’s easier than any recipe on the Food Network (except for this one!*) and even a child can prepare it. A chubby, chubby child with arteries ninety-percent blocked by solidified whey by-product.

Our recipe for The Dip is a little different. My husband is squicked out by the texture of tomatoes, so I chunk up the cheeze, and throw it and the undrained can of Rotel into the blender.

Blast until smooth and creamy with nary a trace of detectable vegetable matter.

Portion some of The Dip into a covered container for the freezer. It freezes great. It will last forever in the freezer, literally. And when I say literally, I mean literally. I think the Vatican has some Velveeta dip in the papal freezer whipped up by Jesus. It’s in Last Supper-ware.

Heat up some of the fresh Dip on the stove or in the microwave and eat it with tortilla chips or use it as nacho sauce.

Also, it can top anything from baked potatoes to meatloaf. It’s like cheese gravy. Mmm, gravy.

So, there is Velveeta in the house and this Sunday we will be watching the Super Bowl for the commercials and stuffing our faces with The Dip. Go Packers and/or Steelers!

If I think of my sweet mother-in-law and tear up who could blame me. For eight bucks in Velveeta, Rotel and off-brand chips, I’ve made her baby boy very happy. Blessed are the cheese makers.

Enjoy,

*If you can’t see the whole recipe on foodnetwork.com, it’s for chocolate. Just a plain bar of chocolate. The comment section is hilarious. Scroll down a bit to see it.

Making anything special or delicious for the game? Who are you rooting for? Let me know in the comment section.

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Comments

  1. Linda says:

    My husband loves it too. Although he has mixed feelings because some of the things his mom prepared with it was not so tasty as the dip. I won't repeat what he says about them. Enjoy!

  2. NotaSupermom says:

    Lol! The Dip is always good, but then I just ate mushrooms in cocktail sauce, so I'm no gourmet.

  3. Paula says:

    I don't even buy "real" Velveeta – I buy the Aldi stuff that is identical. I made homemade macaroni and cheese(product) tonight with it.

  4. NotaSupermom says:

    I'm surprised there aren't more knock-offs. It's so expensive, a store brand would be a great option.

  5. G5 says:

    One pound of cooked hamburger, one box of frozen (defrost first ;) spinach, 1/2 a jar of medium salsa and 1/2 a block of Velveeta is really, really good with tortilla chips.

    :)

    Thea

  6. NotaSupermom says:

    Thea, sounds like a good way to get kids (and husbands) to eat spinach!

  7. Kat says:

    Yep…now I am craving it. We dump a can of chili in it, mix it up…and that makes a good dip.

    I am no cook. Can you use it to make fondue? Or do you need the real deal to pull that off?

    Go…um…Steelers…I guess…

  8. NotaSupermom says:

    My husband would like the cheese and chili combo.

    I've never made fondue, but I've eaten it plenty.

    It usually has Gruyere cheese in it. I think anything would be considered a cheese sauce, and that's a pretty good thing.

  9. Susan in the Boonies says:

    OK, here's my favorite memory attached to Ro-tel Dip.

    In college, my roomates and I would make it in our popcorn poppers, because we didn't have kitchens in our rooms, but we did manage to "cook" (and I use that term oh-so-loosely) in the hot plate of our electric popcorn poppers. You know, the kind where you had kind a shallow dish base where you poured the popcorn and the oil, and plastic bucket "perfect for serving" out of. (Days before microwaves were de rigeur). So, anyway, one night, Debi made Rotel Dip, which I had never had before. We had leftovers, and were trying to figure out how to dispose of it. (No fridge or freezer in our rooms.) We knew it would clog the bathroom sink. So, Debi decided she would dump it down the toilet. Only she didn't tell me. She just called me to come to the bathroom, and when she heard me coming, she made this little groaning sound, and moaned, "I feel kinda sick…" and as I came around the corner to the bathroom door, I saw her on her knees in front of the toilet, with her body turned in such a way that it blocked my view of the base of the popcorn popper that she was holding, and she made coughing noises as she tipped the leftover Ro-tel into the toilet.

    Good times!!!

    I squeeled, and she laughed and laughed.

    Cheeze with a "z". LOVE IT, Nota!

  10. NotaSupermom says:

    Oh, Susan! She got you good. That was gross!

  11. Jessica D Torres says:

    We typically don't watch the superbowl but I do like to make heroin chicken wings on game day. They are delicious and addicting (which is how they got their name). Here's a link for the recipe.
    http://www.grouprecipes.com/54132/heroin-wings.html

  12. And then there was Anna... says:

    omg the comments on that linked "recipe" are hilarious!

    new follower from blog hop! Thanks for stopping by my blog!

  13. Anonymous says:

    store brand Velveeta ummmmm how can I say this delicately….. ummmm SUCKS! Kraft Velveeta is one of a kind and there isn't a knock off out there that comes remotely close to how "real" Velveeta tastes. Sorry but them's the facts….

    As far as Velveeta not being a food well not only are you nota supermom but you're nota right about Velveeta being a food….. It's quited simply the food of the gods.

  14. NotaSupermom says:

    @ Jessica Torres, you had me at "Parmesan cheese".

    @Anna, nice to meet you! I likes the comment that asked about substitutions.

    @Anonymous–mom, is that you?

  15. Cristin Coupon says:

    Hi. I am a new follower. My husband's mom always made this dip too. I am a bit of a food snob at times and I can't stand fake cheese. Someone tried to give my 4 year old a slice of velvetta to eat on a cracker, she took a bite and asked for brie instead. :)
    Please follow me if you get a chance. http://champagnetasteonabudget.blogspot.com

  16. Sandra says:

    I used to love Velveeta as a kid.
    I'm in Canada. I'm pretty sure they don't even sell it here anymore. I bet my kids would love it too! What a shame.

  17. Anonymous says:

    @nota, yes dear it is me. love mom

  18. NotaSupermom says:

    Cristin, I'm your newest blog follower.

    Sandra, I knew Canada was a magical place!

  19. Trooper Thorn says:

    Beer isn't food either, but it's delicious.

  20. Trooper Thorn says:

    P.S. I'm you hundred and first follower. Do I get a prize?

  21. NotaSupermom says:

    @Trooper Thorn, my husband tells me beer is liquid bread.

    Sorry, hon, the prize went to the 100th follower. I fedexed her some of The Dip and a can of liquid bread.

  22. John Zlotopolski says:

    Sorry you feel that way about Velveeta. Sorry–but when I see REAL cheddar cheese get put on a burger, and start to separate as it heats up, I gross out. Real cheddar separates into snot, and cheese curd. That’s gross.

    If you really want to enjoy Velveeta, instead of using disgusting Rotel, use 8 fresh jalapenos, 1 white onion, and 10 roma tomatoes, and (1) 2 lb block. That is what makes a good queso dip.

    Last night I made 5 batches/10 lbs of queso dip to sell in a bake sale. And that sold out first.

    How you snub your nose at Velveeta, is how I feel about Rotel. Except–I don’t waiver. I refuse to buy Rotel. Use only fresh vegetables.

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