Food Poisoning, or Why I Will Never Eat Samples at the Grocery Store Again

served tea by husband

No, really.

Our grocery store has really nice samples of cheeses and deli items during peak evening hours and weekends.

I can snack my way through the right-hand side of the store. I think not being hungry helps reduce my impulse purchases. Yes, all very practical.

I knew something was off with the marinated pork roast with red onions and mango.

Normally samples are under a little clear plastic dome and nestled in ice. These paper sample cups were in the open air and only on a plastic tray.

As I chewed and swallowed, my common sense kicked in a little too late. Also, I saw a fly land on one of the remaining cups.

My youngest child reached for some of the pork and I slow-mo “noooooooo!”‘d her.

We went home, ate the dinner I prepared (okay, it was deli chicken), and I picked up my cousin from the airport.

Cuz and I hung out and watched a movie. I felt fine.

After the movie, I was washing my face and getting ready for bed. I felt rumbly in my tubmly, to quote the great philosopher, Winnie the Pooh.

I woke up in the middle of the night and was sick, violently sick. If I’d been a baking soda volcano, I’d have won first prize at the science fair.

If I were a two-liter of Diet Coke, I’d have had a whole load of Mentos dropped in me.

The worst part was, I had a houseguest (so I had to spew extra quietly), four kids in the house and no husband. He had perfectly timed a business trip far away. Coincidence? I think not.

My cousin left early to go to work and I was in the bed (and bath) in a daze for 36 hours. One of the kids came to check on me once to get the parental code for the Wii in exchange for a glass of ginger ale.

I’m all better now and back to normal. I’m a glass-half-full person, so the upsides are I lost four pounds and pretty sure I can keep it off by never grazing in the grocery store again.

The downside is we either have to repaint the bathroom or move.

Any amusing tales of near-hospitalization for me?

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